Who is actually in charge of Malairte and how are decisions made?

No single person is in charge, which surprises most newcomers. Decisions are made through rough consensus, a process common to open-source projects. A proposal moves forward when the people who care about it have been heard, the serious technical objections have been resolved, and nobody with a sound reason is still strongly opposed. It is not a majority vote and it is not a dictatorship. The emphasis is on addressing real objections rather than counting supporters, which means a good technical concern from a newcomer carries the same weight as one from a veteran. If you want your voice to count, raise specific, addressable objections rather than vague unease. That is how a decentralised project moves forward without a boss.